One FREE* Cat-Hair With Every Meal

*Terms and Conditions apply.

The Terms and Conditions go like this:

You live in a house with five cats? Five house-cats, yet. You have (let’s be kind) less than fabulous focus on the housekeeping front. And you think there’s only going to be ONE cat-hair in every meal?


This was SUPPOSED to be a post about food. My breakfast porridge, in fact (‘breakfast’ being a loosely-defined term meaning ‘first meal of the day’ which today I am still eating, stone cold, at ten to two in the afternoon).

I was feeling quite good about the porridge, which I cooked up with dried-apple pieces and cinnamon, then topped with mini marshmallows, sultanas and teeny chocolate stars. Here is my Breakfast of Champions:


Nice, non? Rather chic in a limited-palette kind of way. And then I saw it.


Yup. One Tinkerbell Special, delivered fresh to my cereal bowl. Mmm-mmm.

This didn’t put me off my porridge, you understand. When you live with cats, you either come to terms (not to mention conditions) with their constant impact on your environment, or you have them shot and stuffed and give them a good thick coat of varnish.

Some days, the varnish tin looks awfully attractive.

The Usual (Indeed, Only) Suspects:





There is one other suspect, but the battery just gave out on my camera. Suffice it to say, if there WAS a photo of Reep, he would have the exact same expression of dubious, randomised “Whaaat?” as the rest of them. Except for Tiny at the top there, who as senior cat, is running with a more sinister “No, Mr Bond, I expect you to diiie!” vibe.

So, that’s my immune system’s daily workout sorted, then.

I sometimes wonder why I subject myself to all the irritating, messy, inconvenient, literal and figurative crap that goes with keeping animals. In fact, I have a lengthy, witty ‘bloody animals’ rant that will no doubt adorn this blog before too many more days have passed. Fact is, except when they’re being noisy, eating, shedding, fighting or being revoltingly incontinent, animals are FUN. Also way more rewarding than that last sentence makes them sound.

*Weak grin.*

Honest. Now, where did I put that tin of varnish…?


8 thoughts on “One FREE* Cat-Hair With Every Meal

  1. Your cats are awesome! OMG, the last one has one of the best “bish plz” looks I have ever seen.

    1.) That is the best bloody porridge I ever seen in my life. Good grief woman, you are a culinary genius.

    2.) Just living with one cat and I am bombarded by her furrings all day and all night. I cannot even imagine the carnage produced from five!

    • Dust bunnies the size of guinea pigs is what it gets you; they move in giant herds, like fluffy wildebeest roaming the veldt. You go out loaded for dustebeest in our house.
      We did have six cats till recently, but our oldest girl, the Disgusted Dowager Empress Eloise (she who is my avatar) had been sick for a long time with chronic kidney failure, and finally gave up the ghost last August. That was such a sad day, she was such a character. She was a Maine Coon, like Dusty (the monochrome cat, who IS actually monochrome, being a silver tabby) and Spingle (the sink-dweller who looks like a grumpy lynx); so the dust-bunny population went down a bit after she passed.

  2. I can totally relate to this lol, Even though we only have 3 cats and a dog. Enjoyed checking out your blog 🙂

  3. Hilarious! I LOVE those cats though I empathise with the prospect of dust bunnies.Your fluffy ones remind me of my handsome His Royal Fluffiness (not his real name, you understand). You didn’t mention the constant requests to go in or out depending on where they are at any given time. As to training for the Highlands games ….are you mad?!

    • I may well be completely crazy, but I’m enjoying the ride!
      As to the constant requests… not so much, as mine are all house cats. Usually the requests involve turning on the mixer tap in the kitchen, or entrance to a particular room… Is His Royal Fluffiness (name changed to protect the innocent) a Maine Coon?

      • Springer is so cute! That angsty look in the photo at the advent of the grandchildren – hilarious! Reminds me of my senior cat Eloise (who died last August, still miss her), a brown tabby Maine Coon who was the Disgusted Dowager Empress. We were all her revolting subjects, and the withering looks she gave were just priceless.

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